A letter to family and friends.

Due to the impending arrival of our newest addition, my midwife has asked me to lay out some of the following rules for visitors, and asking for the following help as well. I don’t want to give anyone the impression that we do not appreciate your thoughts and well wishes, but the days and weeks following the birth are going to be very important to our family.

During the last weeks of pregnancy, we will no longer be recieving visitors as labor can occur at any time. Babies come when they are ready and we will need this time to rest and prepare for our new arrival without destractions. Also, please refrain from calling for updates. We will keep everyone posted as we see fit and even loving concern can be upsetting to a mother who is already anxious for labor to insue. Our house will be on lock-down in order to mentally and phyically prepare for this most important event.

During labor, our phones will be shut off and the door will be locked to anyone except our midwife and birth team. I will not have access to any form of pain relief, so it is imperitve that I stay as undisturbed as possible in order to focus on nothing but being in labor and having a healthy baby. We will announce the birth after the baby arrives and all necessary procedures have taken place.

I have no idea how I will feel immediatly after the birth. I do know that labor and birth are long and very physically demanding processes. We ALL will be exhausted and need lots of time to rest and recover. When we are ready for visitors, we will start making phones calls to individuals. Again, please wait for your call. We will all be recovering and getting aquainted, uninvited guests will not be welcomed.

During a homebirth it is easy for people to come under the impression that since there is no hospital involvement, mom does not need as extensive recovery, or baby can come into contact immediately with visitors. I encourage all of you to Google "babymoon". It is going to be very important that we have the time to adjust as a new family, and that Spencer, Jacen and I have a chance to adjust to the new family dynamics that having a new baby in the house brings. I will be needing time to get into a nursing routine as well, and be needing to catch up on sleep after who knows how long of a labor and birth.

I also do not know how I will feel as far as depression with my sudden drop in hormones, I may not want to be around anyone at all, or I might feel better with tons of company. If you are invited over, don't expect to be entertained or to stay very long. If you do not live nearby, you may just want to wait to visit. Plan to keep your visit under 30 minutes, if you are invited to come up. If I am feeling up to it, you may be invited to stay longer, but do not expect it.

If you have or have been around anyone who has been even the slightest bit sick, please stay away. Even if you have "allergies", you could be mistaking allergies for something else. You will be asked to wash your hands and use sanitzer as soon as you come in our house. Due to bleeding, breast-feeding and exhaustion, I will be staying in bed for the first few weeks. If you want to see the baby, you will have to come into our bedroom. Please do not ask to hold the baby. If I feel comfortable allowing you to hold the baby, I will ask you if you would like to. DO NOT put your mouth on my baby! The human mouth is the most unsanitary part of the body and I have a huge problem with ANYONE but the parents getting thier face near an infant (that includes grandparents).

When you do visit, anyone who is inspired to pitch in with household chores or bringing meals will be greatly appreciated. We will be needing:

- Someone to take Jacen outside or to the park to run off some of that energy.

- Help out by doing a household chore.

- Bring over a healthy meal, so we don't have to cook.

- Possibly run an errand.

Most of all what we will need help with is people helping so we can focus on Jacen and the new little one. Not company who will want to hold the baby while I entertain them. If you are offended by or disagree with any of our wishes, feel free to stay far away. We neither want nor need rude or difficult guests. This very special time for our family is irreplaceable and we do not want it to be ruined by poor company.

We do plan to video the birth. If I am able to remain modest, we will make a dvd for guests to watch while they are here. If you are given a copy, do not show it to everyone. This is a very special and private event and I do not want everyone to see me in such a way. Also, ask before you start taking pictures of the new baby. I may not want it to be photographed at the time for various reasons. If you are allowed to take pictures, do not post or tag them on the internet. This is for safety reasons. There are certain people I don't want to know what my child looks like or know anything about it. Feel free to ask me about this one and I will give a more detailed explaination. If I do allow you to post any pictures, it will be on an individual basis and you will be given rules.

Thank you for your support and cooperation during this very special time. After an extremely difficult start, we will finally be cemented as a family. The homebirth and method being used to bring this baby into the world, is imperative to this process. Thank you for being respectful of our needs.

Love and blessings,

Bonnie, Spencer and children